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Not all men who have had a successful divorce are happy. Some loved their wife so much but there’s nothing that can be done to quickly plug that hole in their heart. It’s a despair having your kids away from you, and you can only see them from time to time. Living in a home not with your family is saddening for most men and dangerous fro their mental health. It’s a different experience right after divorce and you can’t just bring back all how beautiful the family has started. Most men who just had a divorce would suffer several issues. Post divorce advice for men is something all men after divorce need – but are often too to seek.

Feelings of Men After Divorce

It is a myth that men would feel freedom after marriage. Sometimes the allegation is true that a husband cheated his wife for a younger one, he feels remorse and regrets having done it. Often times there seems to be no way of knowing why the divorce happened leaving the man feeling even more trapped by the state of events than free of any marriage contract. Men have sensitive emotions too. As humans, they could fall into temptation without thinking of the consequences. Wives who leave their husbands will cause a great sorrow for him. Men don’t want to live and be alone. It is shown in statistics that divorced men are likely to cause suicide. Who wouldn’t? All his dreams are shattered and his family will be abandoning him soon now.

Managing Life After Divorce

After a great turmoil, it’s just right to get out of your shelter and see the world in a different light. There are things that you don’t expect will happen and you need to move on. Divorced men still have their lives and there are more to it. Remember that if they don’t take a step forward, they’ll only be stagnated in their condition. What has happened can’t be brought back again but the important thing is the lesson learned from the experience. Think that if this didn’t happen, you’ll not be able to value the importance of relationships. A relationship not nurtured will easily break off. For your next relationship, you will know how to deal well with your spouse and avoid things that could damage the relationship. All these are hard but with perseverance and motivation, everything will be alright in time.

Learn From Self-Guide Books

Men usually aren’t open and versatile than women. They don’t just divulge their feelings to their friends and let all the pain out. This is their way of protecting their manhood. Post divorce advice for men is available in self-guide books. Book on men after divorce will help you understand the life of a man after divorce. You can find support from these books to help you come out from your pathetic self. Let these be your guide in your everyday struggle towards healing. At a very affordable price, you will feel secured and confident because of the learning you can get from the book.

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Surviving a recent major life altering experience such as a divorce will release you from an invisible burden. Moving on post divorce is where the real challenge starts for most women. Here is where grace under pressure counts. Moving on is easy and here is some helpful post divorce help for women.

Getting divorce help from your family and friends is one way to help you cope and move on. Surrounding yourself with love will help remove all those negative feelings and fill you up with a renewed positive outlook. Who knows? Maybe all you need is a whole lot of loving to get you moving.

Getting to the more technical side of a divorce, one thing that most women do after a recent divorce is change names. It may seem like n added cost and another headache it may seem, but surely will be all worth it since you retain your old name and get that ultimate feeling of being single in every sense of the word. Here you might need to seek the help of a divorce lawyer again.

The process involved in name change for women is very confusing. Countless forms will be needed to be completed, which thankfully can be downloaded from the Internet and printed out so you can fill them out and give to your local court clerk. A change of name also requires that you file a petition in court, an added expense but will be worth the sacrifice. After all the legalities of your petition are complied with, next comes the civil court hearings.

Requesting a hearing in a civil court can be such a headache. All those steps that you have to go through are sure to cause a migraine. Do not forget to publish your name change intention in a local circulation newspaper, except for those who are victims of violence, so that the publication can file a Proof of Publication in court, which is something you also need to finish the whole process.

The post divorce life for women is all about adjustment. Being able to get past all the memories of a past marriage is not easy. Difficult as it may seem but getting some divorce help to push you to get out of all that negativity may be all that you need to see the positive side of life after a divorce.

Despite divorce being a highly sensitive and sometimes controversial issue, G. Gibbons finds that solid and correct information can be the most important thing to receive when suffering through a divorce.

Georgia is a paralegal in the divorce department of Allmand & Lee, where she has worked for many years. She learned the inner workings of divorce over the years and is determined to provide solid information and any support she can to people during this difficult stage in their lives. The blog Secrets About Divorce [http://blog.secretsaboutdivorce.com/] is for everyone who want to learn about divorce, the possible financial ramifications, and for those who seek a more secure recovery for life during, and after divorce.

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The sting of a divorce isn’t limited to the legal process of dividing the couple’s assets, figuring out child support and alimony and other items handled through the courts, mediation or attorneys-or by the couple if they’re lucky enough to reach an agreement on their own.

Post-divorce life can be difficult as well as both parties adjust to their new lives and the child custody and support, alimony and other arrangements made during the divorce process. When one party or both parties believe that certain aspects of the arrangement should be modified post-divorce, they may pursue certain legal avenues to do so.

Post-divorce child support modification involves requests to increase or decrease the amount of child support being paid. To get a court to accept this, the party trying to get the order modified must show that there has been a change in circumstances. This usually involves a significant change in one party’s income, or the income of both parties. This is similar to spousal support, or alimony, modifications. One party or both party must show a significant change in income to increase or decrease spousal support.

Child custody is another area of the post-divorce agreement that one or both parties may look to have modified. To do this, the party must show that there is a significant change in circumstances affecting the child that warrants a modification of the court order. This may include significant relocation, child neglect or child abuse, among other circumstances. As each case may be different, it is often helpful to go to an attorney to determine if the change in circumstances would warrant a modification.

A modification of the visitation rights of a non-custodial parent may also be made when circumstances permit. The party making the request may have to show that the other party is preventing them from exercising their visitation rights, that the child requests the change in visitation schedule, or that there is a lack of parenting going on by the other party. Again, what may warrant a modification in visitation rights is variable, so speaking with an attorney is often helpful when determining if a modification may be granted in specific circumstances.

It is best to follow a court order and explore legal avenues when wishing to have it modified rather than taking matters into one’s own hands. If the safety of the child is at stake, speak with the police to ensure the well-being of the child is not in jeopardy.

Romantic Couple

Many people feel the need for time to heal and grieve after a divorce. Even if the process was fairly amicable or initiated by them it’s often important to recover from the distress and upheaval and take time to reflect on what went wrong. Gradually, valuable lessons are often learned. Counselling can help you post-divorce by providing an effective way to focus on the issues that often surface at this time.

Post-divorce we may say, we’re fine, we’ve got good friends, are perhaps seeing someone new, have an excellent circle of people ready to support us, are busy with children or work, but treating the aftermath of divorce as a time for healing can help us grow from the experience and avoid repeating negative patterns in the future. Friends may be biased, not as neutral in their opinions as we would like and anyway, it can become repetitive and unhelpful to spend hours with friends going over old ground, dissecting old scenarios.

Let’s look at ways counselling can help you post-divorce;

  • Destructive patterns can become a habit. If we’ve been let down badly we may find we’ve become suspicious as a consequence of how we’ve been treated, fearful of things not working out, wary of people’s motives, untrusting. We may be uneasy if a new partner has to work late, appears to be secretive when using their mobile phone or sometimes rearranges our dates. It may be reasonable to question if there’s some validity to these feelings or are we in danger of over-reacting.
  • Have we lost our confidence, self-respect, are we struggling with low self-esteem? Is this because our divorce ended unexpectedly or became a battleground, with insults and hurt regularly being traded. Counselling can help you post-divorce to address your early years and the way you saw relationships being modelled when you were young. If you witnessed negative relationships in your childhood, where power struggles, bullying, poor communications were the order of the day it may be that you need to start appreciating that all relationships don’t have to be that way. Counselling could help you move on from that unfortunate way of viewing relationships.
  • Being good at communicating and becoming appropriately assertive are also areas that can be helped by counselling. Being confidant at speaking up, keeping a regular dialogue going, being open and honest about how we feel are all important aspects of a healthy adult relationship. But all too often we may have learned to keep quiet, not upset people, be keen for people to like us and not risk being rejected; we may have learned to become a people-pleaser.
  • Appreciate the role of good manners, empathy, sensitivity and appropriate boundaries. Acknowledge too that, much as we may value these traits, mutual respect works two-ways. Counselling can help you post-divorce to be reminded of your worth, of your value as a viable human being. You’re entitled to respect and consideration, as are others.
  • There may be reasons why we still need to keep in contact with our ex after the divorce. If children, business or financial issues still remain a consideration it may be necessary to find ways to transition the old relationship into a workable part of our new life. It’s great if we’re indifferent to what’s going on in our ex’s life, but if that’s not possible, counselling can help you post-divorce to stop being triggered by immediate stressors and feel more positive about what you need to do. Self-protection, a good mindset and the belief that you’re on the path to a better life all help.
  • Practical things can help if you have to meet. Agree to do so in a friendly, public or neutral place. Ensure you have supporters with you or instruct someone to act on your behalf. Work on your confidence and remind yourself each day of your strength, your accomplishments. For now, survive one day at a time.
  • Practical tips for moving on may include saying ‘yes’ to invitations, registering on events guides and initiating outings, joining groups even if you sit quietly at first, asking people round to yours for a bite of supper, a coffee, a pamper evening, game of cards or to watch the football. All inexpensive ways to build your confidence, keep involved and circulate. Read newspapers, watch some popular TV so that you’re able to contribute to conversations, rather than stand to one side.
  • Determine to move on and be proactive, step by step. Counselling can help you post-divorce to be receptive to the opportunities out there. Is it time to update your image, get fitter, make new friends, learn new skills.

Looking at the positives may require effort at first, but counselling can help you deal with your demons and sustain your focus and motivation, maybe through small changes initially. Give yourself credit as you become interested in the outside world, ready to be excited and involved in the new future that lies ahead of you.

Susan Leigh, counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer & media contributor offers help with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support.

Woman flirting with uninterested male friend in a coffee house

Using mindfulness techniques post-divorce can help reduce stress. You can learn to enjoy the time you spend with family and friends without dwelling on the marriage. You can make deliberate, intentional decisions about your life with less worry. You can learn what you really want, without second guessing each decision you make.

The attitudes and practices of mindfulness are available to everyone. They’re simple, but require practice. Seven basic attitudes, based on the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn, follow:

  • Being or Non-striving. Learn to “be,” without “doing.” Not having a partner around all the time is a big change. Slow down and take time to breathe. Focus, and be with yourself or others without distractions or a specific agenda. Turn the phone off and be fully present. Allow yourself to see what comes up.
  • Non-judging. See yourself as you really are. You’ll like yourself more when you’re not constantly judging your decisions, behaviors and appearance, as right or wrong, good or bad. You’re a divorced person; it is neither positive nor negative. What would it be like to remain alone or to be with someone? What are your reactions to thoughts of moving or of staying where you are? Have curiosity and interest in your future, without judging.
  • Acceptance and Awareness. Be conscious of your thoughts but don’t let them define or control you. Focusing on negative thoughts is stressful. Instead of worrying about why you’re in a restaurant without a partner, notice the thought and move on to another. Later you can decide if you’d rather eat in a restaurant with a friend or prefer to go solo. Be aware of your thoughts without letting them take over.
  • Letting Go or Non-attachment. After acceptance it’s calming to let go. You’ll have nagging, unpleasant thoughts, or situations that do not go as you’d like. You will recall things in the marriage that didn’t go well, but there’s no need to dwell on them. If you’re having a problem with your ex-spouse, don’t push away the discomfort with immediate action. You don’t have to be attached to a particular outcome. When you don’t have to fix things all the time, you can think more clearly.
  • Beginner’s Mind. Be open to seeing yourself as you are right now. Let go of the memory of how things were before when you were married, and expectations for how they ought to be today or will be tomorrow. You may see that being single is right where you need to be. When you look with beginner’s mind, you notice new things daily.
  • Trust. Trust your ideas, your feelings and your intuition. Give yourself permission to stop worrying about everyone else’s opinion of you and your divorce. You know best how you’d like to spend your time, the kind of relationship you’d like to have with your ex-spouse or when you’ll be ready to meet someone new. Trust in your decisions comes more easily when you follow your own wisdom.
  • Patience. Patience is about knowing that things happen in their own time and cannot be rushed. Patience helps connect you to the present and reduces stress. In time you will figure out what you need to do to move forward post-divorce. Next time you’re in a rush to make something happen, ask yourself, “What’s the hurry?”

Cultivating mindfulness requires practicing these skills. Pick one skill and try to practice it several times a day. For beginner’s mind, in the morning, at noon and at night, remind yourself to be in the present, not the past or future. Or choose a few skills and use them daily in novel ways. Practice non-judging each time you hear self-criticism, by taking three breaths and letting go of the thought. In order to practice being, sit quietly for five minutes just noticing the sounds around you.

Adopting the attitudes of mindfulness can help you spend your post-divorce days with less stress by bringing a calm, nonjudgmental awareness to your situation. You can respond to events deliberately, with clear intentions. You can enjoy life more and get to know yourself better.